What is the best way to land an i-banking job without ANY finance/modeling/valuation knowledge?

get some of that knowledge

Rub a lucky rabbit's foot.

redefine your priorities.

I just finished a stint in i-banking and it is hell. Cannot pay me to spend that much time in the office.

And when your f@!*ing MD/director/VP continues to do reiteration after reiteration of the same pitchbook, it will make you want to jump off a cliff (or out the office building).

Not worth it...